How often do you ask yourself how you are doing?
Even though it can be somewhat rare to do, we often only think about such a question when somebody asks us. What does that indicate to us — that we rarely take inventory of how we are ourselves? Taking a step further back, what is the problem anyway, if we really don’t keep track of how we're doing? Is this related to how well we know ourselves? And, if we don't know ourselves that well, where does that effectively leave us?
It seems to me that one of the more obvious observations is that we fill our lives to the brim with so many things. So much information, so much activity, so much mental space that even when we organize for times of relief, we often end up just pouring in more information — like listening to podcasts or watching movies or listening to music or…on and on and on it goes, just filling up every moment with something. We rarely take the time to create space to consider and recognize the things that are going on inside us as we live in this kind of reality.
At some point, it would seem apparent (or at least it should be), that this kind of reality we’ve ended up constructing for ourselves really separates us from something important about reality. Something in this mix seems to dupe us into the impression that we are connecting to things, all the while not recognizing that what we really need to connect to is a source inside of us (as opposed to everything that is outside of us). When we do this long enough, we often end up having no idea what we’re actually feeling, because we are so absorbed with what everything around us is feeling. And we become somewhat unable to search for the sources of what we need for what we are actually feeling because we’ve effectively cut ourselves off.
When I recently asked myself this question again, it took me a while to even figure out what I was feeling or, at least, put words to. One thing that eventually made it to the surface for me was that I feel like I’m juggling a lot of things right now. The circumstances in my life right now have me feeling like I’m involved in a more rapidly changing future than normal (for me). I also feel aware that I’m trying to balance activity that is oriented toward those future possibilities with an awareness that, in the current moment, there’s not very much I can actually do about it. And, so the tension I’m feeling is trying to be present to the now, and not be totally obsessed with the future (that isn’t here yet)…especially since I have no ability to determine which direction it will actually go, not to mention the details that would be involved, even if I did.
I’ve also noticed with this practice, that what I think I’m feeling is sometimes not the core of what I am really feeling. Sometimes it takes the discovery of one thing to find another. And, the process often isn’t quite this tidy — in other words, it can take a while (which is probably why we don’t do this much).
But nonetheless, whether from the wisdom of the likes John Calvin (here) or Oprah Winfrey, this level of honesty often helps me be a little more prepared to embrace all that I don't know and, rather than avoid it or fear it, live with a healthier sense of availability to myself (and others), anticipation, and the possibility of surprise.
I often tell friends: When you don't know what to do, do nothing. Get quiet so you can hear the still, small voice — your inner GPS guiding you to true north. I've trusted the still, small voice of intuition my entire life. And the only time I've made mistakes is when I didn't listen.
-- Oprah Winfrey
