Dismals Canyon & Orange Beach

One of three places in the world with Dismalites!

It occurs to me now that going to the woods
Without knowing any of the many names
Of its inhabitants
Must be about as interesting as going
To a beautiful library
Without knowing how to read.

How hard have we worked to acquire
Our fresh ignorance?

-- Linford Detweiler

Anonymous

There is something deceptively awful about being anonymous.  

It looks awesome from a distance.  It feels great, in terms of what it makes you believe you can get away with.  It allows you to be someone different than who you really are.

The big city, a road-trip, Las Vegas all beg anonymity.

It's not that these things should never be experienced. But life without a community is not life and it feeds all the wrong things in us.  It does not hold us accountable to the better parts of who we are.  A town.  A family.  A frequented barbershop.  A church.  A circle of good friends.  All stain us in some way, but all can also root us to who we are...by giving us identity, sharedness, forgiveness, humanity.

We should be wary of the wiles of being anonymous.

Bluegrass Legend Earl Scruggs Has Died

Earl could play 11 notes in one second!

Like the music or not (I kinda do!), you have to admire the perfection of such skill and the story of a man's life that shapes it.

Through Giving

It is through giving that we receive, and it is through dying that we are born to eternal life.

-- St. Francis of Assisi


 Giving and dying...not necessarily natural instincts. Ones that we have to choose. Ones that we have to learn to choose.

And, ones that are probably easier to imagine in theory than in practice. In other words, where specifically do I need to give today? Where and how do I need to die to today?

How Far

You'd be surprised how far the smallest steps can take you.

I am.  ...in both directions, good and bad.

Undefended Self

Solitude brings us face to face with a person who fills us with dismay: our naked and unadorned self. Instead of the self-sufficient, goal-directed, accomplished human being we've learned to secretly admire, we are suddenly revealed as a weak, dependent, fearful creature who much of the time uses others to fulfill desperate needs. If we have prided ourselves on the maturity of our faith, solitude twitches back the curtain on self-deception. The experience can be devastating.

Today, spend an hour in solitude: no phone, no e-mail, no TV, and no interacting with another human being, live or electronic. If you are already accustomed to living by yourself, think about he ways in which you defend yourself against loneliness. Do you rely on the TV to keep you company? Do you spend a lot of time calling friends? Do you feel compelled to socialize often? Ask God to show you what you'd prefer not to see: your undefended self. Then ask God to strengthen and sustain you.

-- Paula Huston, simplifying THE SOUL

We continue this week in the fifth week of Lent. I'm still reading this powerful set of practices and prayers...and continue to be provoked at how well defended I have made myself. And, I am missing a lot in my paltry efforts.

Compassion

The Rule of St. Benedict enshrines hospitality as a primary Christian duty because the world is full of stranded people who ache for the smallest sign that someone cares enough to be inconvenienced for their sakes. It might help if we realize that what people need has more to do with compassion than solutions to their problems. We might experience less guilty frustration at our inability to 'help' someone and more inclination to simply be there for them, however briefly, as they struggle on with this difficult life.

-- Paula Huston, simplifying THE SOUL

I am finding myself increasingly separated by this book, in a good way. Challenged to move beyond the intriguing nature of the ideas to the actions they compel. I have not been able to do it yet, to the degree that I would like. And, I feel the both the Accuser and the Caller near me. May God grant me the capacity to follow his calling however I can presently do so.

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

-- Wendell Berry

Me

I spoke sharply to my wife yesterday because of something she said that made me feel a certain way.  As we separated in silent anger, I discovered a sentence floating through my mind...something about her not having interest in me, in how I am feeling these days.  The fact was, however, that she had stopped by specifically to see me.

• "Do you know how hard I am working or what I give up to help you?"
• "Why am I the one who always has to be flexible and join in what you are doing?"

• "When is the last time you asked me how I was doing?"

• "Why doesn't anyone call me?"

• "...it seems like people don't really care, or even want to know about me.  Nobody really has time...for me.  Everyone is too busy thinking about themselves ...."

Each of us has personal versions of questions like this, don't we?  At times they lay low, staying submerged under our denial or even our effort to keep them tamped down.  At other times, they shoot out of the smallest cracks in our shells with surprising velocity and at unanticipated moments.  What is going on?  What is reflected in these sentences...especially when they are no more true than the one I was settling on above?

I woke up with questions like this today...but I realize I've been perfecting them for a while now...justifying the integrity of them by keeping track of certain things that support them (and leaving the ones that don't aside).  They are obviously self-centered.  They obviously reflect something I have discovered that I am holding on to, that requires something of others to take care of...me.  But, such sentences do point to something. ...and therefore they are useful to acknowledge.  I have learned (the hard way) to pay attention to them when I can.

As I tried to do this, I realized that (among other things) my sense of personal worth has become in need of validation.  So, I was accusing the world (and my wife) in order to gets its attention.  But, do I really need to be validated?  Well...yes.  I do.  But, by her?  Or, by you?  No.

So, the question remains, what is going on inside me?  What I really need is to stop and reconsider the forces at work in me right now that allow me to translate the validation I do need from requiring that others come through for me...to make me feel better about myself.  I have noticed, over time, that it is the inability (or, more likely, the unwillingness) to stop doing everything I have ended up doing to feel good about myself and ask the question, what validates me?  You?  What I do?  ...what or who does validate me, then?

This blog has well-traveled answers to these questions.  ...so, it isn't the answer that is elusive; it is the slow and subtle shift in where I seek the answer.  And, I need to stop...to be still in order to re-discover my true source of being.  Even while immersed in truth and good ideas, to not stop is harmful to my being...and hurtful to those around me.  I am, at times, surprised that this is still necessary, but I suspect I am not changed by ideas nearly as much as I am changed by the habits of stopping all the activity that can so undetectably infiltrate my life and relating with those ideas to God and those around me in very personal ways.  After all, they are not ideas or activities, they are people with whom I need to actually relate.

Busy

For many of us, there's actually a pretty strong correlation between how busy we are and how important we feel.

-- Laura Vanderkam

And every once in a while we run into the reality of this...usually through our anger.  How do we forget things like beginning-with-the-end-in-mind so easily?

There is something at work in our busy-ness that we often do not readily recognize, because it gives us a false sense of self, of who we are.  We transplant our identity from our being to our doing.  And, sometimes we polish our self-importance by fostering a deep sense that we are needed in so many ways (therefore, we have to stay really busy).

If you're not convinced, take away things that keep you busy and watch what happens to how you feel about yourself.

Begin Again with the End in Mind

Perhaps I can only regain my patience, especially in the face of loss (experience or created), when I re-acquaint myself with my destination.

In other words, I need to begin again...with the end in mind.

Here's a great little, related story example from Donald Miller's blog.

It is ironic how much our sense of our destination is a part of what we can endure (how may 'out there' affects by 'right here').  And, for the runner in all of us, note this admonition (the 5th one down).

We're not the first ones who've discovered how 'the end' can influence what we do next...especially when we need to do it again:

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

-- Philippians 3:14

Be Patient

In some ways, anger can be an absence of patience.

Why would we be impatient?  When am I impatient?  I think I am impatient when I feel like I can't afford to be...patient.  And, those times seems to be when I feel I have too much to lose...so I need to make something happen, now.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke

Anger's Acid

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

-- Mark Twain

...I wonder how our tendencies towards anger are related to our lack of tranquility.

Tranquility

Tranquility in the face of danger speaks to purity of heart.  The God-centered soul is calm in a way the self-centered soul can never be.  Years of prayerful self-discipline truly manifest their efficacy when catastrophe strikes.  Like wildflower seeds that do not sprout until they have been razed in forest fires, the virtues instilled by the contemplative life come into their own when everyone else is fleeing for their lives.

-- Paula Huston, simplifying THE SOUL

Along the Road

Doesn't Mean It Is So

Just because someone accuses you of something, doesn't mean it is so.

...but before we go with that too quickly, we likely also need to acknowledge it doesn't mean it isn't so either.

We do seem to live in an age where offending someone is taboo and when we are accused of something we might start from the default that it is true and that we shouldn't have done it.  But it takes some thought, some consideration, some evaluation, and some conversation to determine the truth of something.  I'm afraid the ease of our lives has softened the muscles of the analysis and consideration that is needed to engage meaningfully with ourselves and others.

Veils

We pity Muslim women for wearing veils, yet almost every face in this country is veiled by suspicion and fear.

-- Wendell Berry

Why is this? How have we ended up this way? Is the answer related to the artificial habits of engagement we have learned to accept as normal?

Entertainment Society

We often feel mentally tired and believe that distraction will give us a break. In the book referenced below, Paula Huston talks about the importance of the mind and what refreshment for it can look like.

The desert dwellers believed that our souls need proper nourishment -- spiritual food -- in order to achieve clear spiritual vision. Jesus often withdrew into the desert or the mountaintops at night in order to rejuvenate his soul through prayer.

25 years ago Neil Postman wrote an analysis of the way that television was reshaping our view of the world.  The problem was that TV had come to dominate the culture, which meant that almost all our experiences were now coming to us as entertainment rather than in the form of serious intellectual, moral, or spiritual questions.

When we watch TV, all we have to do is make a simple, childish choice:  is this interesting or boring?  If it fails to pass the test, we just flip the channel and move on.  It's not surprising that even newscasters have succumbed to the entertainment trend:  unless they over-stimulate us or lead us into the escapist fantasies we've come to expect, why would we watch them?

...what would we be free from?  Misperception, melodrama, falsehood, artificiality, superficiality, and self-indulgent egoism -- everything the entertainment industry depends upon to hold our attention.  

-- Paula Huston, simplifying THE SOUL

She calls this the artificial invigoration of the mind and something that we very easily become addicted to and shares some vivid examples of how far short our cultural forms of distraction fall from what we really need.

Creative

It’s very hard to be creative when you don’t need to be.

-- Penelope Trunk

For Sure

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

-- Mark Twain

Farther Along

Farther along we’ll know all about it
Farther along we’ll understand why
Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We’ll understand this, all by and by

Tempted and tried, I wondered why
The good man died, the bad man thrives
And Jesus cries because he loves em’ both
We’re all cast-aways in need of ropes
Hangin’ on by the last threads of our hope
In a house of mirrors full of smoke
Confusing illusions I’ve seen

Where did I go wrong, I sang along
To every chorus of the song
That the devil wrote like a piper at the gates
Leading mice and men down to their fates
But some will courageously escape
The seductive voice with a heart of faith
While walkin’ that line back home

So much more to life than we’ve been told
It’s full of beauty that will unfold
And shine like you struck gold my wayward son
That deadweight burden weighs a ton
Go down into the river and let it run
And wash away all the things you’ve done
Forgiveness alright

Chorus

Still I get hard pressed on every side
Between the rock and a compromise
Like the truth and pack of lies fightin’ for my soul
And I’ve got no place left go
Cause I got changed by what I’ve been shown
More glory than the world has known
Keeps me ramblin’ on

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall
I’m free to love once and for all
And even when I fall I’ll get back up
For the joy that overflows my cup
Heaven filled me with more than enough
Broke down my levee and my bluff
Let the flood wash me

And one day when the sky rolls back on us
Some rejoice and the others fuss
Cause every knee must bow and tongue confess
That the son of god is forever blessed
His is the kingdom, we’re the guests
So put your voice up to the test
Sing Lord, come soon

-- Josh Garrels

Feed on Goodness

Feed on goodness, and your soul will delight in its richness.

-- St. Bernard of Clarivaux

Do Nothing

Do Nothing for Lent and Be Grateful.

For many of us, doing nothing can be even harder than the everything we try to do.  Do we try so hard because we can reinforce the belief that for all of our failures at least we are wearing ourselves out by trying?

...doing nothing might reveal a few things to us.

Luxury

We tend to live in very luxurious times, especially relative to much of human history.  Things like running water, hot water on demand, private toilets...not to mention foods and clothing and entertainment; with variety more than we can even describe.

What do you think are some of the costs of such luxuries?  Are there ways that we 'pay' for this, that we don’t realize?

• Ever notice how you feel or act when we can’t have these things...and right when we want them?
• What is happening when we are bored even with these things and just ‘want something else’?
• What is going on when we feel a bother to thank God for them?

After going ‘without’ such things, how much more do we enjoy them when we can have them (...immensely more...than when they are just 'expected', right?)?

Does luxury promote ingratitude?

Does luxury reduce our fear (reverence) for God...by sedating our sense of need of him?

Intemperance

An intemperate lifestyle, which uses up resources we do not have, is not sustainable and ultimately leads to some form of interior disintegration.

-- Paula Huston, simplifying THE SOUL

Intemperance:  lack of moderation or due restraint.  Restraint has become quite unfashionable.  The point seems strong and recognizable that lack of restraint is using something that we don't really have...or have a right to do.

 For our society, this is a hard habit to break.  ...and I am a part of it.

Habit

A nail is driven out by another nail; habit is overcome by habit.

-- Erasmus

It seems to me that acknowledging this is part of how we become free from things that strangle us.  And, it takes a while...to get things pounded out of us.  For new habits to be formed within us.

When I think about things in my life years ago, versus things in my life now, I notice that a process was underway the whole time.  As much as I pleaded with God to solve for certain things within me in the moment, he did so in a way and at a pace that provided for substantive change -- a truly new habit, one that I didn't even realize I was praying for.

Stranglehold of our Desires

In a beautifully ironic way, the power of ascetical disciplines, meant to loosen the stranglehold of our desires, is not limited to showing us where we are weak and prone to sin. It does not even end at teaching us self-control. By giving us the opportunity to genuinely value what we would otherwise take for granted, asceticism also has the power to enliven authentic gratitude and wonder.

-- Paula Huston, simplifying THE SOUL

Authentic gratitude and wonder. Gratitude and wonder. Gratitude. Wonder.

What a partnership of words...and of ideas.  They are seemingly so inter-twined.  Ever find yourself in a conspicuous lack of these...gratitude and wonder?  I have.  The irony is that I so often think that it is the lack of struggle and suffering, of choosing hard habits, that will lead more directly to such things.  The experience of life, however, seems to reinforce that it is the chosenness of the harder things in life (me choosing them, they choosing me) that bring me close again to things like gratitude and wonder.

Makes me wonder whether this, among other disciplines, is what is involved in pilgrimage.

The Way

I watched a movie last night called, The Way.  It is a film about a journey a man ends up taking when he learns of the untimely death of his son.  A powerful depiction of what happens on a pilgrimage (a chosen one or not).  I would say that it embodies some of what Huston describes here. 

And, it gets me thinking about the idea of 'pilgrimage' -- the role it has played throughout history for man in search of something.  Where am I, on my pilgrimage?  Do I see my experience with life in this way?  I would say, yes.  At least at the moment.  Though there have many seasons where I actually had very little idea what was really going on...times when I have been submerged in the stranglehold of my desires.

And, partly to continue towards freedom from strangling things, partly because of what seems to be a timeless and inherently human desire...I am interested in taking on a pilgrimage of The Way of St. James type, before all is said and done.

Passive Receptacles

From an interview published by The Sun Magazine:

Fearnside: It seems that we’ve been separated from our local communities by radio, television, and now the Internet. Because these forces come from outside the communities, they often don’t reflect the communities’ values. How can we stay plugged in to information and yet preserve our local connections?

Berry: I don’t know. There’s not much you can do, unless you want to disconnect yourself from those electronic gadgets. I pretty much do. Tanya and I haven’t had a television for a long time; people used to give tv sets to our children, because they felt sorry for us. I think we were given three over the years. I listen to the radio some. I don’t have a computer, and I almost never see a movie. To me this isolation is necessary. It keeps my language available to me in a way that I don’t think it would be if I were full of that public information all the time.

Fearnside: My wife and I enjoy watching movies on dvd, but we find that most mass-media offerings aren’t worth our time.

Berry: To make yourself a passive receptacle for information, or whatever anybody wants to pour into you, is a bad idea. To be informed used to be a meaningful experience; it meant “to be formed from within.” But information now is just a bunch of disconnected data or entertainment and, as such, may be worthless, perhaps harmful. As T.S. Eliot wrote a long time ago, information is different from knowledge, and it has nothing at all to do with wisdom.

-- Wendell Berry

There are several things to consider here, including our formation.  I think our society says that you need this outside information to be informed, implying even 'to be formed well' (we might even call it something like 'being educated').  But, what if, like in many things, this is simply a lie that perpetuates our problems.  What if we need less of the outside and more of the 'formed from within'  to be who we really need to be?  ...so that we don't become passive receptacles.

What We Focus On

The desert dwellers' original impetus to flee civilization for the uninhabited wastelands rose out of the insight that it is far easier to focus on what is good, true, and beautiful when we are not being constantly distracted by temptations toward overeating, over-shopping, and escapist forms of recreation. Though the rampant consumerism of our time was still more than 1,500 years away when the Desert Father movement began, the great cities of the ancient Middle East were filled to overflowing with rich foods, and wines, exotics spices, and perfumes, gold and jewels, flamboyant silks, and a thousand other temptations toward gluttony, lust, avarice, and envy.

And that combination, the Desert Fathers knew, quickly leads towards chronic sadness arising from disappointed expectations, or to covetousness and the violent anger that can spring up when strong desires are thwarted. One monk put it, "I have this reason for putting aside pleasure--that I might cut off the pretext for growing angry. For I know that anger constantly fights for pleasure and clouds the mind with passion that drives away knowledge."

...we need to actively resist the pressure to mindlessly consume what we don't need, to covet what we can't afford, or to go into debt for the sake of fleeting and distracting pleasures.

-- Paula Huston, simplifying THE SOUL