My family was gone and it would be a few hours before their return. I started to notice not only my fatigue, but also my longing for something. I recognized this moment; I should do something constructive, I thought.
But, other offers started coming in - watch a movie (not a good one either), get some junk food (and lots of dessert), call someone to come over, and on and on. I wanted something. I was wanting to get away from something. I knew the consequences of the options that were showing up - I have tried those many times before. There had to be an alternative. I knew I needed to turn to something. I knew I needed to turn to God. I went to Walmart instead - Ben & Jerrys (pistachio) ice cream was my goal (in addition to the distraction I was wanting).
I got home and ate the ice-cream and ended up at the same place I was before I went out.
I turned to God. It retrospect it was both a "I'll give you a try" and an act of faith, at the same time. Funny how such opposite things could be true.... I prayed and asked for help, I asked for protection, I asked for insight...only to return again to 'help!' I went to bed with a faint sense that I would be more pleased in the morning, if I chose that option than the others.
This morning I awoke a hour later than normal and felt the sunrise coming. I headed out to find it, continuing to pray as I went. God and I talked and He gave me the following:
It is important to acknowledge that you feel something. In fact, it takes something to deny it and this rarely leads to good things...more often than not, it leads you away Me.
It is also important to try to recognize 'what' you are feeling. Noticing that you do, is one thing...exploring what it is, is another.
When you face these things, you then have options to acknowledge what want to do with it. Where will you turn with it? Will you turn to something that will only provide you temporary relief or escape from it or do you want to turn to someone who really cares about you in it - Me.
If you turn to Me, the One who really cares about you, will you then be willing to wait for a response from Me - an answer or the care you need? Or, will you simply turn back in your unwillingness to wait for My care and toward the relief or escape that also feels so available.
Sometimes, you know (and, yes, more than you think), the real care you need requires your ability to receive it. And the truth is, one that I am quite patient with, is that part of your readiness to receive My care comes through your willingness to wait for Me to give it to you - the real care you need and in the perfect time and way you need it. You ask Me for 'help', will you let Me to administrate giving it to you, as you really need it? What if waiting for it, in fact, is part of your ability to become ready to receive it?
It is your pause of desire, as you describe above, that allows Me to care for you. You need to acknowledge, to recognize, to explore, to pray, and then to wait...for Me.
You needed the absence of answer from Me last night, in order to recognize and receive from Me today...what you needed the most to have restored.
I'm not the first guy who has discovered this:
Psalm 27:14
Psalm 130:6
I Corinthians 1:7
He didn't want my activity last night...He wanted me to wait for Him to answer.
