I’m wondering…if my hesitation about praying sometimes simply a lack of habit? Or, is it effectively that I am willing to believe that I need to provide for myself more than believe that God provides for me, especially at practical levels?
If so, that seems rather indicting; something that smacks of the point of the parable of the talents told by Jesus. Am I really prepared to say that out loud, exposing that I likely think that way more than I realize?
We live with a 'do your job' mindset in our culture. And that, at least for me, complicates things. Because I have recognized that I tend to trust most where I am putting my effort most. If that is what I need to do, then it tends to follow that I end up much of the time trusting in that (even when I realize how inadequate that seems to be).
So, what are we really talking about here? Something serious? Herein, perhaps, lies a clue to the assumptions embedded in my question — prayer is for serious things...the rest is up to me. But, breaking it down that way; how do I even know what goes in which category?
Which likely exposes something else — the sometimes hidden notion that praying is primarily about getting something. And, that, likely is not the primary purpose (not to mention function) of prayer.
An aside, I’ve noticed that a lot of what I eat is related to anxiety that I’m feeling, almost as if the eating of whatever it is, is a kind of comfort or relief...that I need.
So, now, it’s hard not to notice that these two tracks of thinking (my use of prayer & and my use of food) could, in fact, be quite related….
