It lays down.
...until it can't any more. And, then, it rises up.
Or, it sneaks past the sentries of data, analysis, projections, outcomes, etc.
What are talking about? Emotion.
I'm not going to try to exhaustively (or even accurately) describe what emotion is or what creates it. All I know is that, right now, I sense it buried underneath something. And, at times, it sneaks out and says here I am. Here is what you are feeling.
When the chips are down, for me, something besides emotion takes over...at least on the surface. A response is required, action is demanded, presence is needed. Emotion takes a back-seat. But, it doesn't get out of the car; it just waits to be noticed as it stares back at me in the rearview mirror.
We received more news about Conner's health situation and it looks like we're in for a life-long deal. His brain tumor was cancerous....
...news that takes my breath away...
...and there is likelihood that it will grow back (on the average). Will he be the exception (if it doesn't)? Or the rule (the average)? Will it be worse than that...?
All are questions we can't answer today; the only option we seem to be offered is to accept the news. And, that acceptance seems to include our emotions about the last 6 weeks, the next 6 months, and the years that we hope and pray will follow.
Our relationships are all expressing, among other things, forms of emotion — each feeling something for themselves, for Conner, for our family personally and collectively.
Mortality has street-clothes on right now and they smell — the tears of fear, the stench of powerlessness, and the aroma of love all rolled up together.
We ache. We're sad. We're frustrated. We're angry. We're hurt. All of it, grief — the word for things that words can't fully get at.
...and, somehow, we're together.
God never said this kind of thing wouldn't happen. God did say the Spirit would be with us, as it happens. Somehow being in all the things that our emotions are pointing to, not being alone seems to be a pretty major thing. We are so grateful for how God is joining us right now — largely through the likes of so many of you who are standing so tangibly right beside us, with us right now…and in the days ahead.
