I've noticed...that one of my personal fears is choosing self. I think this is the case because it feels like I am choosing self over others; it sounds selfish. But, I suspect that this is a limitation of viewing things through an either / or type of lens.
Perhaps, only a few things can be fully held at the same time. Perhaps, the way things really work is more spirally - iteratively - rather than simultaneously. It is the ability to keep moving, rotating through and back through things we have discovered before, even as we discover something different or new, that is important. A few things are left behind (perhaps they should be), but mostly things are acquired, enriched, expanded. We might call this growth.
So, there are times when I need to choose something for self, as there are times when I need to choose the needs of others first. While one is not blind to the other, choosing one doesn't mean the other is not true or needed. Perhaps, it is just not the prevailing thing in this moment.
Fear distort things; in fact, these things. At least it seems to for me.
