The waters below are tempestuous. Every truth becomes real, when a story surrounds it...reveals it.
The past couple of months have been increasingly anxious for me. Obligations at work require that I make decisions that are impacting people's lives in tangible ways. If we don't make them, we will not long have a business. ...the rationale comes fairly easily, in the big picture; it's just business.
But, the disruption doesn't settle quite this easily - it isn't what we want to be. It isn't what I want to be. And, something lurks beneath the roiling, splashing surface - deeper things, deeper pains, personal memories of when I was the recipient of the decisions I now have to make. It reminds me....
It reminds me that there isn't complete disconnect that I, myself, could be in the very same situation again...like the very ones I am creating. How to prevent!? ...instinct galvanizes my attention. But, the solutions remain elusive. Things I am attempting to control are really...out of my control. And my memories remind me of how true this is. The days continue...relief is not emerging, as the waters rage on towards a waterfall. I dig at myself...questioning - looking for something, at least, I can control for (I tell myself).
...I have not been embracing Peace - peace itself or the Giver of it. I have been seduced away...believing that I have to work harder at something, in order to save myself, if I could just find it. The rain-waters fill up the gorge; the banks are increasingly separated. As I dangle above them, I am closer to falling in...and being swept away. Or, so it seems....
But, it isn't really true. Fear, not Peace, is prevailing. I am recognizing these waters...and that everything that really matters is actually still OK (even if life becomes more painful). I am secure. I can stand in this moment...trusting, waiting. ...waiting for something far greater than simply the relief from the threatening waters below me.
...a Bridge is forming beneath my feet.
