I’m wondering…about an abiding sadness I am feeling.
Ever since my son, Conner, had a seizure on December 20, 2021, I have had a growing sense of this.
He had another seizure on Saturday and I sank into tears at the news, even before knowing any of the details.
I'm clearly carrying something, like an abiding sadness...for him, for his wife, for all of us who know him.
So, I'm also wondering about how such a thing works for me. What does abiding sadness do to people? What is it doing to me?
I'm guessing this answer will take time to discover....
So many people are suffering, in one way or another (at that level, we are all in this together)....
Perhaps the illusion is more when we think we're not...or shouldn't have to, or that it's not normal.
Perhaps it is awareness of our suffering that is the issue we can work with, rather than the myriad ways we've come up with to deny that we do.
Perhaps it is the shared-ness of our suffering that illuminates something in us, like the true nature of our collective humanity.
So, I wonder what sadness is doing to me. It can feel bad. But, maybe it isn't; maybe it is doing something for me, like opening me up to something far more common than I'd prefer to think. Maybe it provides me a more accurate view of my humanity and how I assess that in relation to everyone's humanity. Maybe it gifts me with a compassion for our collective and individual experience.
And, maybe, that compassion enables a kind of love that is more accessible to all those around me.
