How much can we know about who we really are without first having had deep encounter with knowing who we’re not?
We are not truly able to like (appreciate) ourselves without the benefit of a thorough embracing of what we don’t like about ourselves.
And, that often comes through a gauntlet of recognizing how much of the expectations that we have of ourselves are conditioned by the expectations others have of us. This kind of tyranny can only be resolved with a deeper acceptance of our own expectations of ourselves (independent of the expectations of others). I must become beholden to the true beauty of who I truly am, particularly in contrast to whatever I am as defined by others.
As long as I am driven by achieving a kind of personal exceptionalism that is predicated on the approval of others, I can never really dispose of the artifice that dims the shining of what is beautiful about me. One’s real beauty doesn’t need (and can’t actually have) the kind of light that is merely a reflection of the expectations of others. It can only shine from a kind of interiority that is not beholden to the temporary brightness that is attributed from others. In other words, it might be bright, but it doesn’t really shine.
This kind of beauty is independent in both source and energy from the kind that comes from seeking the result instead of the cause, the byproduct instead of the purpose, the manifestation instead of the essence.
In the end, what I am is a function of who I want to be (desire). But, if who I want to be is simply a resemblance of something that is defined by others, I can never really live from my true essence. Who I want to be as defined by who I am must have a kind of congruence that may or may not include approval or acceptance of others. External approval is not the same thing as internal acceptance. It is fleeting — just as quickly discarding you as it using you for its own advantages. And, such dynamics are not centering or freeing; they are endlessly distracting and binding.
Who we are is most certainly influenced by the context that we've both come from and are currently in. But, the journey is the identification and liberty of our unique contribution to that context. Otherwise, we become a casualty of the system that feeds on the false energy of our trying to be something we're not.
