Do you ever think about what really drives you?
The other day, I noticed a reaction I was having to some new experiences at work. I recently took on a new role and knew it would challenge me in some ways. At the very least, it would move me out of my comfort zone, which I believe is important. So, I was now experiencing it more than just theoretically.
I was provoked by some things related to how some people seemed to be reacting to something I was trying to make happen. To begin with, I could have done a better job. Even though I tried to anticipate a few problematic things, I still could have done more. This was apparent in the moment (at least to me) and especially later when I realized more about what I was feeling.
I mention this because paying attention to our reactions can be highly helpful, for our own good as well as for the situation (and other people) involved.
It occurred to me freshly that a lot of what we’re working with in such things is related to expectations. Expectations we have of ourselves, expectations we have of others, expectations we feel from others — are all in the mix, whether we are aware of it or not. Many of them are conditioned by the experiences we've had or are aware of. A lot of what we deal with could be summarized by an operating sentence like, "What is expected of me here?"
We might quickly quip with a good ole "Who cares?". But, the reality is we are often concerned about what others think (sometimes, even appropriately). It is when we become pre-occupied with them that we know we have something more to deal with.
The crux of the matter probably comes down to what we’re trying to avoid IF we don't meet expectations (wherever they come from). What is at stake? What if we feel disrespected? What if someone doesn't like us? What if...we simply blew it?
But, is it really that precarious? Or, is it an opportunity to consider where I'm really putting my confidence (feedback of others can be both highly tendential... and, at times, highly useful). Without asking such a question, I might altogether miss the whole opportunity — to grow from things that I don't do perfectly (or, for that matter, even well).
Perhaps, it's pretty simple. Do I want to know how to get better? If so, I'm simply free to explore things, largely even through our reactions, and learn from them. Pouting, blaming, or pay-backs hardly seems of much real use.
While understanding what drives me does.
