I continue this series about observations I've made about things inside myself (alternating with 2 other series — observations I've made about things outside myself and things I'm wondering about). This one is, perhaps, the most boringly revealing one yet:
I've noticed...that I don't see myself as all that interesting. And, it feels like that self-view influences me.
Not unlike many other people, I have often been fascinated by people who are interesting — who have a dramatic story to tell, whose full humanity is in view, who have overcome something significant, who are contributing to the great diversity of beauty in the world. In fact, I probably spend a lot of time pursuing interesting people through reading, movies, or conversation.
But, in the end, I don't see myself as very interesting and occasionally feel provoked by that. I might even catch myself thinking something like, "Other people take little interest in me."
Now that's quite a leap...even if it is partially true.
So, this notion has had rolling me for a while now — enhanced (I'm guessing) by things like a loss of friends, community, COVID, getting older, etc.
It can easily feel like others are moving on (are they?), even as I feel increasingly stuck. I can usually self-coach myself off of this conclusion, but never completely snuffing out the low-grade ember of it that burns on.
One spark of late looks something like this, "Be interesting then." What does that look like, for me? It's got me wondering....
At the very least, I know that I must avoid the (sometimes handy) conclusion that others should make me feel interesting. That really doesn't make sense (even logically); not to mention, that it doesn't work either because it's not really solving for the right thing.
Besides, self-pity doesn’t wear well on most people (me either). But, acknowledging these kinds of things we feel seems important, especially given the alternative…hiding that we do.
We all, in fact, live interesting lives. So, what is most impacting my prevailing view of my own?
Everybody who is honest is interesting.
-- Stefan Sagmeister
