Like that created by the setting sun, the older I get, the longer my shadow gets. It takes up more space.
I arrived at this thought one day as I contemplated the leaving of my son for the first time at college (which we did last weekend). It occurred to me that he needs to be out of my shadow. I don't know of anything particularly wrong with my shadow (well, sure, there is plenty wrong with it....), it's just the order of Dad-ness. He needs to be free of me, the shade of my shadow, for a while. In order for him to grow, to identify the size and shape of his own shadow, he must move out away from mine. He needs sunlight to grow...all things do, to develop fully, to mature, to become what they are intended to be.
You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.
-- OLD IRISH PROVERB
I can ascent to this intellectually. But I must admit, something else is at work, too. I wish I knew what he was up to, how he is doing. Not too long ago, our lives were quite integrated. Now they're not...or so it feels. At least, they're not integrated by proximity. And this, though bearing a sense of loss, is how it should be now, for his sake. It is time for him to find himself, on his terms...and without my direct supervision, without the shadow of me directly over him. This is healthy...for both of us.
...and, it forces something else good in me; to pray for him, to entrust him to God. To trust God for him. To trust that God is for Him and taking him more fully from here (not that He didn't have him fully until now). This process of entrusting him to God frees him to grow up into the shape God has for him. And, really, what more could I really want for him. I don't want to over-shadow him.
I want him to find his own shadow, so that he can see what he really looks like...who he really is.
...and, if his experience is like mine and that of all sons, the Shadow of Me will likely be quite a part of his anyway.
