Another lingering reflection, from a recent Randoms...:
Chiding (oneself or others) is rarely an effective long-term strategy for change.
If you want to be different, you really have to focus — on your habits and your use of energy.
Take habits; it's just so easy to continue doing something, isn't it? Whatever it is — complaining, eating, thinking — it is surprising how much easier and easier it becomes to keep repeating patterns that you've ended up developing, consciously or unconsciously.
Recently I've caught myself swearing under my breath, when the seemingly smallest of things don't work. Is that really necessary (or, even warranted)? No, but, I catch myself doing it, basically because I've let a habit of doing it form. If I don't choose to un-habit it, I will likely just continue doing it.
Negative self-talk can easily become habitual. We can do it without thinking, simply because we've done it before. It is easier and easier to just continue doing it. Chiding ourselves works that way. It tricks us into thinking we're doing something about things we don't like about ourselves. But, are we really? Or, are we just using negativity to keep ourselves asleep to how we are treating ourselves — never really intending to change or doing anything about it?
Which brings us to energy. Chiding (like most negative energy) too easily becomes a kind of self-reinforcing consumption of energy that leaves us with less to work with in changing for the better. Assuming that's true, what if we took the same amount of energy and directed it towards something constructive? In this case, What If...I consciously re-directed the negative energy I use to chide myself for being less than I want to be and actually created positive energy towards identifying what I want to do or be? Criticizing myself for things I don't do could be transformed into energy for working at what I do want to do.
Energy creates energy — in both directions.
Our self-talk often influences our behaviors. If I really want to change something, considering and energizing how I talk to myself might go a long way towards enabling that change. How I talk to myself about it, changes the way I end up thinking about it (and myself). How I think about something changes the way I behave regarding it.
Chiding is a form of self-talk. It consumes energy. It is often habitual. And, therefore, it inhibits my ability to change.
…not to mention that how I view myself ends up being how I view others (a topic for another day).
