Judger-ing

The key problem with making judgments is that they imply universality. Since a judgment is universal, it exists independently of who is saying it, and this is one of the great attractions of judgment. Someone who judges doesn't have to take responsibility for the judgment or defend it; it simply exists. “It’s bad.” “It’s God’s will.” This makes it very difficult for the judger to even consider reviewing the situation being judged, or considering alternative understandings.  They assume that everyone else should have the same identical response, thus imposing the judge’s values on everyone else.

Judging sets in motion a recursive circular process that typically builds upon itself, and “snowballs,” becoming more and more widespread and intense as time goes on. The more I judge, the more I delete the details of my own experiencing. The less I am aware of my own experiencing, the more defensive and threatened I am likely to feel, so I will tend to rely on judgment even more.

This does not allow the generative listening, questioning and debate to occur required for creative and inventive problem solving. This reactive response keeps people in inert and restrictive ‘either/or’ ‘good/bad’ or ‘right/wrong’ paradigms that focus on making others conform to their point of view in ways that delete possibilities and options for creating a different perspective or alternate point of view.  Continue...

-- Janet Sernack

Habits Are Often Very Fragile

When an action is easy to do, you are more likely to do it regularly. Since new habits are often very fragile, the most meaningful changes you can make are not to your attitude, but to your environment.

Examine where the habit starts to break down. These are your “ah-screw-it” moments – specific sources of friction and the reasons why you tend to fail at committing to the behavior (where you say “Screw this, it’s not worth the effort!”).

A commonly found piece of advice on building habits is to start small.  ...continue.

-- Gregory Ciotti 

Don't Waste

Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it.

I'm not sure who said this, but it seems helpful as an approach to the mysteries of life and work.  It seems to reflect a kind of trust that is needed to move, in spite of uncertainties that we often feel.  Something is gained (learning, etc.) in the doing of things, especially when under-girded with at sense of faith.  And, the things gained are not necessarily tied to success.

Not To Be Easy

So it's searchable:

My job is to not be easy on people.  My job is to make them better.

-- Steve Jobs

Everyone

Everyone has their own way of leading...and it needs to grow.

The Garden of the Saints

The Church is a very human organization but also the garden of God's grace. It is a place where great sanctity keeps blooming.  Saints are people who make the living Christ visible to us in a special way.  Some saints have given their lives in the service of Christ and his Church; others have spoken and written words that keep nurturing us; some have lived heroically in difficult situations; others have remained hidden in quiet lives of prayer and meditation; some were prophetic voices calling for renewal; others were spiritual strategists setting up large organizations or networks of people; some were healthy and strong; others were quite sick, and often anxious and insecure.

But all of them in their own ways lived in the Church as in a garden where they heard the voice calling them the Beloved and where they found the courage to make Jesus the center of their lives.'

-- Henri Nouwen

Thanks for sharing, Sue.

SL: What You’ll Find When You Stop Running

I was a member of a counter terrorist group. I wore dark camo, a helmet, night vision goggles, a bulletproof vest, and black face paint – the whole deal.

Running furiously through the woods, we eventually fanned out, finding separate paths– a strategy we’d obviously learned in training. As I was charging through the underbrush, I heard footsteps behind me. I had been singled out for pursuit. I could hear him running behind me; the leaves and sticks under his feet crunching as he followed.

Nearing exhaustion, I kept running as fast as I could, but he followed me relentlessly. With limited visibility, I tripped over a root, sprawling on the forest floor, my face in the dirt. In a moment, his footsteps stopped, and I realized that he had caught up with me.

I turned to look at the face of the person who I thought would surely kill me...continue.

-- Al Andrews

Dynastic Wealth

Melinda and I are strong believers that dynastic wealth is bad for both society and the children involved. We want our children to make their own way in the world. They’ll have all sorts of advantages, but it will be up to them to create their lives and careers.

-- Bill Gates

An interesting essay on wealth...continue here.

Meaning

Life is about meaning – the meaning that comes from authentic relationships with those we love, and from worthwhile work that we believe in.

-- Jennifer Dulski

Lasting Morale

Lasting morale comes from being part of an organization that succeeds by providing people the responsibility needed to contribute in meaningful ways.

-- John Routa

Phoney Separation

Managers who don’t lead are quite discouraging, but leaders who don’t manage don’t know what’s going on. It’s a phoney separation that people are making between the two.

-- Henry Mintzberg

Something Beyond Yourself

Stories are keys that release you out of yourself and into the wide freedom of caring about something beyond yourself.

-- Ann Voskamp

Happy Birthday, Tami!

We love you...and what you love.  More pics here.

What Can I Do?

What can I do?  Sometimes am I blinded by a lot of what I feel like I can't do, what I can't get to.  To maintain or discover a renewed vision, I can still ask myself to see what I can do.

I can recognize.

I can seek to understand.

I can offer compassion.

I can invite.

I can love...both by being firm, and by not keeping score.

And, I can remind myself of this; all that I hope for, and all that I want is given, not achieved.  That takes a lot of the pressure off, that often attends our fears.

It really helps to know, too, that the Master of all the things above is way ahead of me.  He's way better at it than me, He's very cognizant of what is needed, and He is actively pursuing His plan of goodness for us.

I can rest.  I can wait patiently.  I can be free.  ...that's what I can do.

Shorten It

Never Grow

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't Coexist

Growth and comfort don’t coexist.

-- Ginni Rometty

You Do Not Teach By Teaching

You do not teach by teaching — you teach by loving. Be humble and courageous.

-- Glennon Doyle Melton

Pizza Delivery Driver Surprised by IWU Tip

Makenzie forwarded this article here....

CT: success has little to do with you

Imagine asking two successful people how they managed to accomplish what they have. The first says, “I’m just very gifted.” The second says, “I’ve just worked very hard.” Who sounds more smug?

Our meritocracy—in which people are valued based on ability alone—has conditioned us to consider it arrogant to attribute our accomplishments to God’s gracious gift. For some reason, gift talk sounds elitist. Conversely, we think we’re being humble when we say we worked hard for our success. The gospel polarity of grace versus works, though correctly understood in theory, is capsized in practice: “You succeeded? You must have worked harder than others,” we think. “You didn’t succeed? Try again.”

For it is by works you have succeeded, not by gifts, so that no one can boast. Logical as it may seem, it’s far from the gospel.  ...continue.

-- Andrew Wilson

The Ridge

Absolute Certainty

Nothing would remain stable in human society if we determined to believe only what can be held with absolute certainty.

-- St. Augustine

FMSC: 351 454 98000+ 268

Thanks to our friend Vicky who drew us all in to a great evening of work together at a local FMSC mobile-pack. We, and others (351 people), packed 454 boxes of food (containing over 98,000 meals)...enough to feed 268 people, like Nelson, for a year.

It was joy!

Like A Moron

...begins where we dare to enter into foreign, scary places. ...happens when we're willing to dare looking stupid; or, in the words of Wendell Berry in Citizenship Papers, to "take the risks of amateurism." Witness goes hand-in-hand with entering into foreign discussions that don't happen in the church. Otherwise, the church will die talking to itself.

When we are interested solely in winning the dialogue, we will stop entering into them because we don't feel we can win them. As my friend Dr. Dan Brunner has said: Christians don't know what to talk about when we aren't talking about conversion or theology. This is indicative of a church culture that deals with its ignorance by silence when it should deal with its ignorance through dialogue.

There is something profoundly scary about throwing yourself into a foreign field where you know nothing because you risk looking like a moron. We prefer safe conversations about faith because they make us look smart. But it is only in the process of looking like a moron that one can receive new wisdom and insight.  ...continue this helpful reading here.

-- A.J. Swoboda

Doesn't Mean

Just because the clouds are there doesn't mean that the stars aren't....

Many mornings lately I have walked to my work-out a bit awestruck by the stars.  When I return, they often are fading in their brilliance because of the light of the rising sun.  I often feel inspired by both phenomenon.

Some days, there are too many clouds to see the stars and I miss the inspiration I often now look forward to.

What I see and feel doesn't really change what is actually true.  It is good to know what is true, even when my feelings don't reinforce it...like knowing the stars are still there, even on a cloudy morning.

(thanks, Mark, for your seed-thought on this for me)

Deepest Gifts

Often out of our deepest pain, come our deepest gifts...

...both the ones we receive and the ones we have to give.

CT: Reconciliation

The net worth of the average black household in the United States is $6,314, compared with $110,500 for the average white household, according to 2011 census data...The black-white income gap is roughly 40 percent greater today than it was in 1967...Black men in their 20s without a high school diploma are more likely to be incarcerated today than employed...

All these constitute not a black problem or a white problem, but an American problem. When so much talent is underemployed and over-incarcerated, the entire country suffers.

...

Our Father in heaven, in you all people of the earth find their true identity. You made us all equally in your image, as your children, and therefore as each other’s brother and sisters.

Holy be your name and the honor you have bestowed on your united church, above our pride, allegiances, and all other identities and affiliations that tempt us to value ourselves above others and put you second.

-- Nicholas Kristoff

Continue reading about why we can still believe in reconciliation and pray here....

Miss Me Yet?

I’m not one to jump on anybody right now because I understand the problems there are, especially the problems when you’re dealing with 17- to 22-year-olds. If you’re losing, your tie is wrong, your socks are wrong, your world is wrong. If you’re winning, you can dress in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and you’re probably right.

-- Tom Izzo

Legacy of Honesty

No legacy is so rich as honesty.

-- Shakespeare

Don't Promote Self-Esteem?

In my counseling office, parents like to tell me that their child is so smart. I rarely hear how compassionate or loving that child is to others. I read so many articles on self-esteem and how important it is for everyone. Is it really that important to think highly of ourselves?

...having high self-esteem didn't improve grades or career achievement. It didn't even reduce alcohol usage. And it especially did not lower violence of any sort (Highly aggressive, violent people happen to think very highly of themselves, debunking the theory that people are aggressive to make up for lower self esteem).

I can't control my brain and how smart I am. Let's not tell our children how smart they are. Let's compliment how hard they have worked on something or how loving they are towards another person. These are all things they can control. Their brain power is not something they can control.

I don't care how highly you think of yourself. I like to focus on your integrity and compassion towards others. Now that will really make this world a better place. Your brain may assist you in that goal. Your liver will help you too. God is love and how much love and compassion you can give to another is what I like to promote.  More here....

-- Pamela Chambers

Strength vs Muscle

I am more interested in strength than I am in muscle.

DM: Why You Can’t Seem to Find Your Willpower

Citing study after study (perhaps too many for an otherwise enjoyable read) Baumeister and Tierney argue willpower actually comes from the muscle of the mind and that it can be strengthened.

Just like any muscle, the brain is strengthened with rest and sleep. After you work your brain, it needs rest in order to grow. Getting enough sleep is key, and taking breaks at regular intervals will help. Ever notice how you have more willpower in the morning than in the evenings, and after a meal as opposed to when you’re hungry?  More here....

-- Donald Miller

As Donald ends up noting, realizing that the brain is a muscle has helped me, too.

Your Yes

Whenever you say yes to something, there is less of you for something else. Make sure your yes is worth the less.

-- Louie Giglio

VSF Church Camping 2014

It's that time of year again!

Click here for more pics....

Stop Drinking The Stuff

To the inevitable backdrop of John Philip Souza marches and Presidential photo-ops, Big Soda has announced that it will do some vague kind of something about the excesses they contribute to our intake of calories and sugars over something like ten years.  Big Soda might have said: “we know you are getting fat and sick, and feel we are implicated; but frankly, we don’t give a damn as long as you are foolish enough to keep buying what we sell.” Actually, that would have been refreshingly honest. But I guess we can be grateful just the same that they didn’t say that. I don’t think it would have earned a hug from Bill Clinton.

Do we really need soda companies to cut calories for us? The aphorism is: the best way to predict the future is to create it. It is NOT: the best way to predict the future is to hope that those currently profiting at the expense of your health will come around and create it for you.  After all, they not only concoct these potentially addictive formulas, but spend lavishly on highly influential marketing.

Why do we need Big Soda to reduce calories for us? It’s a bit brutal folks, I admit, but here goes: the fault is not in our sodas, but in ourselves -- that we allow ourselves to be underlings to the bullying of marketing aiming for profits at the expense of our health.  Continue here....

Stop drinking the stuff.

-- David L. Katz

The Fattest Country On Earth

A recent report cited that the single biggest reason families go bankrupt in the United States is because they get wiped out by medical bills. What a nightmare. God bless those families that have to spend all of their household savings, and more, to help a loved one.

But here’s something that few American citizens know: Just like those families, the U.S. could also go broke, because the country is being wiped out by medical costs. The nation’s healthcare costs have grown to $2.8 trillion, or nearly $9,000 per person, which is more than double what comparable countries pay per person. The U.S. ranks 25 globally in physical well-being, with 57% of our citizens struggling, 11% suffering, and only 32% thriving in this element. But here’s a truly alarming -- and revealing -- fact: The U.S. is the most obese country in the world.

Bluntly, our citizens are too fat, and the country’s economy and future are being smothered by our obesity.

We have to change what and how much we put in our mouths. We have to commit our entire country -- government, businesses, nonprofits, media, families, everyone -- to getting each and every one of our citizens to eat better.

-- Jim Clifton

Why You Should Listen, Even If Others Don't

The odds are very good that the last person to whom you spoke barely heard anything you said. Don't take it personally -- most people just don't listen.

Most of us know it's bad to be so stuck in our own biases and beliefs that we block out half of what other people say... because we label their thoughts as "wrong" even before they stop talking.

When you actually listen to another, you quiet that voice in your head that almost never shuts up. Plus, you actually stop talking... and most of us would do well to talk a bit less, especially when we are trying to learn.  More here....

-- Bruce Kasanoff

Cedarwood Road

A HEART THAT IS BROKEN
IS A HEART THAT IS OPEN

-- U2, "Cedarwood Road", from Songs of Innocence

Fatal Flaw

We all seem to have a fatal flaw.  Or, perhaps better said, we all are fatally flawed.  One way or another, we are all in the same place; incapable of sustaining our lives, much less our success.

This is actually good news, if not only for the relief of it, then for the truth of it.  It should free us.  We can stop trying to overcome it by fixing it or compensating for it in ourselves, not to mention the way we often so easily settle for trying to keep track of the 'flaw' in others in order to simply make ourselves feel better.

Acknowledging this (continually) is pretty critical to what we are left with.  We are either done, dead, gone or we can give way to something miraculous that can rise from the ashes of this truth.  What preempts the futility of such eminent death?  Is it not...mercy?

Because we know the depth of our flawedness, we recognize the power of mercy to redeem the scene.  Because of our personal experience with this mercy, we have unique and powerful opportunity to extend it to others.  This is the beauty of the notion - we can offer mercy, because we have experienced mercy.  Our flaw has revealed in very personal terms the nature of this mercy.

We can actually rejoice in our flaw...because of the opportunity it creates for others, the opportunity it creates to help other people stop wasting their efforts to fix or compensate for their flaw.

Mercy triumphs...!

Teenagers -- Move From Telling to Asking

What I want for my teenagers is for them to have respect, take responsibility and be resilient.

The difficulty is how to teach teenagers resilience in the age of instant gratification. The answer is to let them fail; they need to learn to pick themselves up. Life is not perfect and too often as parents we try to keep our kids in a perfect world, like driving them to school just because it is raining. This can be so hard as a parent: we want everything to be just perfect for our precious progeny, but for them to be happy they need to know what it is to struggle and achieve.

We no longer would tell them what to do. We would ask them what they were doing. 

The shift to asking also helped us listen, and respect the choices they made. This was a massive step in how we parented, and we did not get it right all the time. 


The other thing we do is help our kids have downtime. Dinner time is about sharing food and sharing conversation...continue here.

-- Naomi Simson

God is Better

I like the thoughts here, as they describe the fickleness of our relationship with God much of the time and, even more, what God  is offering us.

I'm not as excited about the notion of 'God is Better'. Perhaps it is because it feels too...market-based. Like, I like this product better than that one. That doesn't seem to work too well with something like God. Just follow Him, because He's your better option...for now (until another option emerges).

I do think God is better, but not in a marketing sense per se.

So how could one describe the spirit of what Chan is trying to say?

The Time Has Come to Give Them...To Life

I wish I knew more about what is going on.  I just do...it's probably a parental instinct.

But life has organized it that, without a volunteering from them, I am not to know as much right now.  It is new.  It is difficult.  But, something also seems right about it.

When your kids are off to college and you wish you knew more details about their lives, but can't, it leaves you off at a door in a new neighborhood of something....  You have to walk through the door of a deeper kind of trust.  When you can't find the normal ways to know or control something, you have to give up trying the old ways and wait for something new.  And, you have to acknowledge that there is something purposeful about the not-knowing.

In this case, I have to give my kids...to life.  To give them in a new way to God...to take care of them...to lead them...to wait for them to learn to trust Him in deeper ways.  I can't know or nudge the way I want to any more; I can only entrust.  I have to entrust myself to Him, as much as I entrust them.

As I recently prayed for them early one morning about this, I believe God answered me this way, "The time has come...to believe in a new way that they are in my good hands.  It's now more about me and them, than you and them.  Trust me."

I felt kind of sad for the comfort of the familiarity of the old doors.  But, also relieved by the fresh paint on the doors of the new neighborhood -- they are even more deeply in the hands of a good God...less of me, more of Him.  They need to grow now in another yard, than my own.  It is good for them to see and grow in the sun out from under the shade of my branches.  They need to learn what they need to learn...and with some distance now, away from me.

I wonder what they will do without my presence, without my promptings.  I wonder how they will feel their way, how they will recognize that they are feeling for God.  I wonder how God will continue His saving work in them.

I want to know.  I will know, but probably more through the lens of the future than right now.  The time has come to give my kids...to life, both to what they pursue in it and to what it does to them.  And, though unsettling without direct knowledge of their well-being, it seems right.  Trusting God always is.

Resilience

Resilience is the ability of people, communities, and systems to maintain their core purpose and integrity among unforeseen shocks and surprises.

-- Andrew Zolli

Courage Muscle

Courage is like a muscle; it has to be exercised daily. If you do, it will grow; ignored, it will atrophy.  Courage helps fuel grit; the two are symbiotic, feeding into and off of each other...read more.

-- Margaret Perlis

Scares You Everyday

Do something that scares you everyday.

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Your Own Biases

If you want to bring out the talent in other people, you have to look past your own biases, otherwise you will only be helpful to people who are clones of yourself.

-- Bruce Kasanoff

Sure. Sure, no problem. I can do that.

But, wait, it isn't that easy...or, it wouldn't be that necessary to note something like the above.  We are biased, often deeply so.  We believe in the way we go about things or in the reactions out of which we often live.  We don't think others are right (or, as right), rather we believe that we are (largely) right.

To some extent, this is not all that surprising.  We have come to know, what we know, through the grid of our experiences; the grid that has taught us and shaped us...the grid that we, somewhat helplessly, have become invested in.

The problem is when we enforce (something that biases can easily do) what we have come to know upon others -- when we don't have interest in or respect for the grid that others have or are using.  Biases, to some degree, are amoral.  They just are what they are.  But, too often, we use our biases against others and, sadly, too often without knowing it.

We have to learn to see, to train ourselves to see, how others are made, how they have been shaped.  If we don't, we neglect something significant in them, if not worse.

Master Users

The best leaders...almost without exception and at every level, are master users of stories.

-- Tom Peters

Incurably Agnostic

We should all be incurably agnostic if God had not revealed himself.

-- David Watson

This is not as tidy as it might sound, at first glance.  It is, in fact, both brutal and undoingly a basis for all gratitude.

Elephant Hula

Relieves Responsibility

A little known saying goes: “The worst thing you can do for someone carrying a burden is to take that burden away.” That is a management sin: it makes things easier for the one carrying the burden for a short while, but it also relieves him of his responsibility for the burden. And that’s not a good thing in the long run.

-- Klaus Schuster

Context is important, isn't it?  Things like 'statements' aren't universally true.  Words are simply limited in their application.

For example, the above statement strikes me as quite untrue, in certain contexts (like this one).  But, in others, I would say the above has a lot of truth in it.

Nothing Converts

Nothing converts cynics like success.

-- Stephen Covey

Caffeine: The Silent Killer of Success

90% of top performers are high in emotional intelligence. These individuals are skilled at managing their emotions (even in times of high stress) in order to remain calm and in control.

Caffeine disrupts the quality of your sleep by reducing rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, the deep sleep when your body recuperates and processes emotions. When caffeine disrupts your sleep, you wake up the next day with an emotional handicap. You’re naturally going to be inclined to grab a cup of coffee or an energy drink to try to make yourself feel better.

When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control, focus, memory, and information processing speed are all reduced when you don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep.

Irritability and anxiety are the most commonly seen emotional effects of caffeine, but caffeine enables all of your emotions to take charge. Coming off caffeine reduces your cognitive performance and has a negative impact on your mood.  Continue reading here....

-- Travis Bradberry

Problems So Interesting

Management is the art of making problems so interesting that everyone wants to get to work and deal with them.

-- Paul Hawken

Exposure to Challenge

Becoming a capable leader is an evolution — a co-mingling of training, coaching, and exposure to the types of challenge that bring both insight and growth.

-- Marla Gottschalk

Any one of these alone, is not enough. My sense is that exposure to challenge is critical, especially at the right time and in the right context.  Nothing else provides the opportunity to solidify and grow quite like challenge.

Wake People Up

Many do not recognize the fact as they ought, that Satan has got men fast asleep in sin and that it is his great device to keep them so. He does not care what we do if he can do that. We may sing songs about the sweet by and by, preach sermons and say prayers until doomsday, and he will never concern himself about us, if we don't wake anybody up. But if we awake the sleeping sinner he will gnash on us with his teeth. This is our work - to wake people up.

-- Catherine Booth

And, perhaps, we should start by asking where we, ourselves, are fast asleep...for it is where we have been awakened that we are likely most sensitive and, therefore, most able to extend the mercy needed to awaken others.

Why Wait Until Marriage? -- What No One Tells You & What I Wish Someone Had Told Me

Your skin is the outer layer of your soul.

The union of two bodies is nothing less than the union of two souls.  Physical oneness is a holy God-created ceremony to express nothing less than a soul oneness.

When someone isn’t willing or ready for spiritual oneness, emotional oneness, legal oneness, financial oneness — why let them steal physical and soul oneness from you?

Your naked body deserves the honor of being shared only with someone who is covenanted to never stop loving your naked soul.

-- Ann Voskamp

A very good read...continue here.

The Questions We Ask

I like this line, near the end:

"Adventure is curiosity, the willingness to embrace uncertainty."

Is Conspiring

Nearly everything around you is conspiring to make you go faster; our culture is shifting towards always-on, always-connected. This is okay if you remain accurate, calm and focused. But if you go faster simply for the sake of going faster, you won't end up as successful as my friend. Instead, you'll someday regret that you never learned to slow down.  

-- Bruce Kasanoff

Continue reading here....

Come To Me

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

-- Matthew 11:28

Emotionally Exhausted

A day off work yesterday hardly seemed like rest.  I had been wrestling internally most of the day trying to identify the root of something growing on and into me over the last few months.  The word I would use to describe what I am feeling is...exhaustion.  Exhaustion of an emotional kind.

Over the last few years, physical exhaustion has been a way of re-energizing me emotionally.  But a sequence of things recently has left me unable to recover in either way.

New challenges at work, stretching in relationships, dealing with more adult matters of the heart with my kids; all have climbed up over me in a way that has ended feeling...suffocating.  And, I am seeing something of a related pattern in my thinking -- that it feels like a lot is riding on me, what I do, how I respond, how I lead.  Yesterday helped me realize again that I am not responsible for all of these outcomes.  I have a growing sense that I need to rediscover what it means to cast my cares upon the Lord and to shun my tendency to end up with too much dependence on myself.

Job Satisfaction

Not Built

We are not built for ourselves, but for God. Not for service for God, but for God.

-- Oswald Chambers

LETS GO BLUE!!!

Last day before dropping my son off to college...he and I enjoyed a day together.

Demise of Listening

The revolution in communication technology has caused the tragic demise of listening. Communication today is becoming increasingly a narcissistic obsession about being seen and heard.

The need to be heard is a basic human need. Listening is about acknowledging this need – it doesn’t mean agreeing to or endorsing the speaker’s views.

Listening is the foundation on which trust is built. People who listen without interrupting, dismissing or multitasking, are being respectful and showing they care about what the other person thinks. When practiced consistently, ‘being’ and ‘showing’ builds trust faster than ‘saying’.

A genuine listener asks questions before making up her mind whether to agree or disagree. Engaging a person in dialogue shows the other that you are curious to know more and are sincere in your efforts at understanding a different point of view before agreeing to or rejecting it. People can tell whether their viewpoint has been carefully considered before being rejected or just summarily dismissed. 

-- Aparna Muralidhar

That's Absurd

If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.

-- Albert Einstein

Defer hard-and-fast conclusions and pursue ideas...don't kill them off too quickly.

Why would we do such a thing anyway?  Perhaps more directly, why do we do this?  It strikes me that we often operate out of what feels like is at stake for us, out of what we need to defend or preserve in which we've got a lot invested (whether we realize what it is or not).  In other words, if 'this' isn't true or 'that' is true, then what does that say about me and what I've been saying or doing?  ...it is the operating version of our identity that is often 'on the line'...that stiffens us and tempts us to kill off ideas too quickly.

It's a survival strategy deeply engrained within us. ...not to mention that we tend to like things the way we've got things arranged in our minds.

The Measure

The measure of a life, after all, is not its duration, but its donation.

-- Corrie ten Boom

Enemy: Perfect

Perfect is the enemy of good.

-- Voltaire

Failing

Failure is, truly, inevitable. It’s what we do when it happens that matters. If there is a recipe for success, resolve figures in it. So does relentlessness, and at least a pinch of raw ability. But resilience, I think, is the main ingredient.

I had a poster on my dorm room wall in college of a man in a tuxedo, inexplicably wedged into an inner tube, floating in a pool. The caption read: “good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from poor judgment.” This is certainly true to some extent. No matter how good the advice, we may have to live it to own it. My parents’ advice was among the best I’ve ever gotten, but to get it from head to heart where its cadence could help orchestrate the long, hard march to fulfillment required living it.

Failing is inevitable. Failing at failing is tempting. Succeeding is occasional, and generally hard-earned. Succeeding at succeeding is fun, and easy, if elusive. When it happens, ignore Kipling’s excessively curmudgeonly counsel, and take mine instead: enjoy every minute of it. But know that it will be fleeting, and it will not reflect the measure of you.

Succeeding at failing is the truest measure of us all.

-- David L. Katz

Off to College - #3

You will only see what you are prepared to see.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We took our 3rd to college yesterday.  This is getting to be a habit!  We are glad for the opportunity for Makenzie to grow in this next stage of her life.  IWU is a good place and is committed to some very good ideals...including their vision, captured in part by Emerson above.

More pics here....

Ferguson: The Untold Story

...the media need to expand their understanding of their role in times of crisis. The media's job is to report not just all that's dreadful, corrupt, dysfunctional and violent in our world but what's working, and the powerful and humane ways people in communities respond to that violence and corruption and dysfunction.

The spirit on display in Ferguson -- as it was during Katrina -- is a glimpse not just of who we may become but of who we are right now. It's there, it's on display, and it's manifesting itself. And perhaps we would glimpse this side of ourselves more often if the media acknowledged it more often. It's not entirely absent, but too often it's relegated to the "hero" segment closing the local news, or to the Thanksgiving piece down at the local food bank.  Continue Reading....

-- Arianna Huffington

Seems important to note alternative points-of-view to the perspective of mainstream media...on both sides of the aisle, which appears to increasingly make money off of controversy.

Instinctive Responses

Though they have been trained upon us, we are betrayed by our most instinctive responses to our efforts to survive.

It seems we often end up choosing one of two things, increased or more creative effort or simple resignation...quitting.  Both leave us in an unsatisfied stupor, insensitive to another option sitting right beside us...almost as if it were simply waiting for us to see it.

What we have opportunity to discover is that our real source of survival is not rooted in the management of our own resources to begin with.  We do not give ourselves life.  Something else does....

So, what does make us come alive again...from our oft-exhausted state?  I am asking a group of guys I meet with this question.  I am asking it of myself.  I suspect it may be a most important question....

Comfort Zone

So it's searchable:

You can't be a world changer until you serve.  And you can't serve until you break free of your comfort zone.

-- Ann Voskamp

Faithless

Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.

-- J.R.R. Tolkien

Pushing Boulders

A lot of life feels like pushing boulders...either uphill or to keep them from rolling downhill over you.  Either way, a whole lot of effort, rooted in a sense of survival.  I feel this physically now most mornings, at least initially.  But this weight spans others dimensions, into the societal, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

Too Small

Most of us have jobs that are too small for our spirits.

-- Studs Terkel

Actually Become

I know that the more I humble myself to others, the broader my understanding of God has actually become.

-- Francis Frangipane

This seems true, at a number of levels, for me today.

For example, this morning's ritual in the woods was truncated with an ankle sprain I am still wincing at.  After a few unexpected expletives, a huge 'WHY?!' also came tumbling out (note-to-self:  my deepest 'why's are usually connected to pain).  I was being so careful in my running, too, because I had done this very same thing just a couple of weeks ago.  After the recurring frustration, WHY presented itself in full view.  I limped home slowly...with more time than I had originally planned for, to consider things.

Pain invited another thought into my view.  Perhaps I tend to move too quickly these days...and this circumstance has afforded me an opportunity to slow me down.  What is faster getting me anyway?  How does faster affect those around me?  Is there something anti-humble going on, in the speed of my life?  I can think of a few examples of where my speed may not be experienced as humility by others.  God is not speedy, per se, with me -- though He certainly could be.  Why isn't He?  ...what is better about His slowness towards me?

And, what of that do I need to offer to others...humbly?

Lighthouse

Some really amazing lighthouse photos here....  And, another one from the same place of the picture above, by my friend, Dawn.

Reconnect

Disconnecting from technology so we can reconnect to ourselves is absolutely essential for wisdom.

-- Arianna Huffington

More and more support for this sense of things seems to be coming out every day, yet we appear to be as glued to our devices and what they represent to us as ever.  We must be afraid of missing something.  The irony is in what we may be missing in our desperate attempts to not miss out.

Perhaps we can start to war against this conventional wisdom, for the wisdom above, by practicing some of this each day.  The smallest of attempts (like #5) can go a long way towards new habits, which can ultimately lead us to a surprising level of freedom...and, perhaps, real wisdom.

Don't Ask

Don't ask yourself what the world needs.  Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

-- Howard Thurman

The Arts

The arts aren't just important because they improve math scores.  They're important because they speak to parts of children's being which are otherwise untouched.

-- Sir Ken Robinson

Teaching Emotional Literacy in Schools

The children coming into their second grade classroom that morning arranged their chairs in a circle for a daily ritual: Their teacher asked every child to tell the class how they felt (unless they didn’t want to share this), and why they felt that way.

Naming emotions accurately helps children be clearer about what is going on inside – essential both to making clearheaded decisions and to managing emotions throughout life.

For instance, when children tune in to what engages them, they connect with the intrinsic motivation that drives them. If a child is just following the teacher’s goals for what she should learn and not thinking much about her own goals, she can develop an attitude that school is all about other people’s agendas – and fail to tap her inner reservoir of motivation and engagement. On the other hand, attuned teachers can use students’ interests to excite them.

In the school years, the equivalent is “good learning” – being engaged with what enthuses us and what feels important.  Continue reading here....

-- Daniel Goleman

Rather Be Ruined

We would rather be ruined than changed. We would rather die in our dread than climb the cross of the present and let our illusions die.

-- W.H. Auden

Mighty Little

Man knows mighty little, and may someday learn enough of his own ignorance to fall down and pray.

-- Henry Adams


We had a remarkable expression of God's work in the lives of our youth during church today.  I am thrilled to know, to watch, to participate in it.  Falling down in prayer seems like one of the most natural responses I can think of.

Beach Art

Click here for more amazing 'beach' art....

Lead From Behind

It is better to lead from behind and to put others in front, especially when you celebrate victory when nice things occur. You take the front line when there is danger. Then people will appreciate your leadership.

-- Nelson Mandela

Others

Leaders become great, not because of their power, but because of their ability to empower others.

-- John Maxwell

The Difference

So it's searchable:

The difference between
    who you are and
  who you want to be
is what you do.

Code

Your code is the greatest weapon in your leadership arsenal. Having a clear code will help you keep perspective when you are doing well and will help you take the high ground in times of adversity. It will keep you honest. It will deter you from taking shortcuts or engaging in actions that don’t feel right.

-- Doug Conant

Unreasonable Assumption

The mythical image of a “leader” embodies many of the characteristics commonly found in personality disorders, such as narcissism and psychopathy as well as histrionic or Machiavellian personalities.

Today there are scorecards for virtually everything, including leadership development. However, the MIT study concludes, the use of metrics for the effectiveness of leadership development is leading them astray. Most metrics don’t measure the soft skills, or strategic thinking or collaborative behavior, all of which are essential for leadership success. Organizations tend to measure the things that are easy to measure. “The philosophy that dominates so many company cultures today is that initiatives that cannot be measured have no value. In most instances, that is a reasonable assumption. But it does not apply to leadership development.  Continue here....

-- Ray Williams

He Bends Down

I love the Lord because he hears my voice
    and my prayer for mercy.
  Because he bends down to listen,
    I will pray as long as I have breath!
 
-- Psalm 116:1-2

A group of youth from our church spent some time considering this verse while camping together this weekend. God is listening; are we talking to him? Why not?

7 Reasons Why Spending Time in Nature Does Wonders for the Soul

As we camp this week with a group of youth, here are few things worthy of notice:

1. There is no societal influence
2. It is a reminder that you are not infinite
3. It has a calming effect
4. There's always more to learn about our planet
5. It teaches us about living in harmony
6. It is a reminder that everything looks perfect from far away
7. It is a reminder that chaos is a part of life

These are the highlights.  The details on each are good too...click here.

Look Up

What You Don't Do

Focus is what you don’t do.

-- Jim Collins

Primary

Your primary weakness comes from overusing your primary strength.

-- David Baker

Presence of Strength

Great leaders are not defined by the absence of weakness, but rather by the presence of clear strengths.

-- John Zenger

Earn Respect

How do leaders earn respect…by admitting their mistakes.

-- John Maxwell

But...My Times Are In Your Hands

Strengthened

Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

-- Helen Keller

Suffering is powerful in at least 2 ways; it gives quick and deep opportunity to recognize our need for God and it makes us accessible to others. Outside of suffering, there is often one kind of separation or another going on between humans -- hierarchies and comparison seems ever-present.  Suffering over and over seems to level the playing field and draws our spirits together...perhaps because it reveals to us, like nothing else, how we are the same.  When we acknowledge how we are alike, we are converted to compassion.

And, compassion ennobles everyone.

Smile Because It Happened

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

-- Dr. Seuss

What You Miss When You’re Afraid Of Messing Up

It’s better to fly a kite and it get stuck in a tree, than to not fly the kite at all.  Every opportunity has an expiration date and the cost of missing out can be greater than the cost of messing up.

-- Pete Wilson

More here....